sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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