and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
