so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
