how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
