so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am midnight drunk by noon
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
