laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
