Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
