I must be too annoying 4 u.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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