I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
