Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
