'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
