Your dad touched me again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
