I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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