Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't deserve a penis
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
