yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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