No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
