She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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