If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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