My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
