Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
