I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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