The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
