i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize