I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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