i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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