did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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