this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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