Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
