It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
