jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize