I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
