i was born a porn star she said
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
