you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
