I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
