i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
