at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize