According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
