You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
not ubering you a puppy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
