I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she told me i tasted like america
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
