yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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