I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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