Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My bed smells like the plague
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
