Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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