Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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