he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
