Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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