So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Everclear isn't food dammit
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize