You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
