HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
