I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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