I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
