I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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