Your mouth is God's brothel.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
