I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need a burrito and a hug.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
