i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
try to milk me bitch
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