As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
