Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Im part way to drunk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
