My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
