Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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