bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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