he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
