I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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