The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
