at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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