Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
