u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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