I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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