I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
